You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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