yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
