By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
