Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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