I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
