apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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