Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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