Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
