I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
