Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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