I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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