I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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