Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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