before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
