One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
