just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize