I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
