so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
