i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
