Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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