"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
