i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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