i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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