i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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