Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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