Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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