dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
