So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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