Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
