This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
