we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
