yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
