sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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