I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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