i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize