White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
