I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
