I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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