I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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