If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize