just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
