Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
