I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
