You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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