I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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