Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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