I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
