first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
