He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
