I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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