The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
