I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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