I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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