Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
where are you?
Hypothermia
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
