I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
