is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
