just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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