Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
