Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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