I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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