Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
