i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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