We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So vagazzling was a success
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
